Getting Ahead of Myself

I know that I am just getting geared up to be sad but...

Pretty certain that on the 12th I ovulated (if the amazing pain I felt in my uterus area was what that was) and today the 19th I'm all crampy which could be nesting....

so I'm excited for the 28th when I can test...

I know that most likely I'm not prego, but, I'm still hopeful.....

Might have Ovulated

Jason and I had agreed to not "aggressively try" for the next few months until he knows what is going on with his job. BUT. I think I've ovulated so I want to chart it so bad to see when to test (I'm going to test at the end of the month anyway)...I'm just super excited. Excited that here is the first "real" chance we have had to get pregnant and excited that my body could possibly be on board with this whole menstral cylce thing! Yea!

The friend that was recently pregnant told me today that they went for an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat :( She sounds pretty upbeat, more upbeat than I would be, but it wasn't all that recent so maybe she's gone through her grieving proccess. Poor girl.

More on the Job

I really hope that I'm not getting my hopes too high just to have them dashed upon a rock, but...

Jason's Mom (who is also a corrections officer where Jason works and has also applied at the new jail) to him that the hiring guy said: "So you'll come in for your exam on Tuesday and on Friday I will tell you that you have the job."

Hmmm...

If he gets this job it's almost "too easy". Thank you God!

Cute Kids

Wanna see the cute kids of my daycare?

http://www.blueheronkids.blogspot.com

Optimistic

I hope I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch but I am 95% certain that Jason will have a new job on the 20th of March!!!

Yes, you read that right.

He went in for a "security interview" at another jail in the next county over (45mins away from us) and the man said, "I can't tell you that you have the job...{awkward pause}...you still have to go through the oral exam." Then later he said, "My sheriff talked to your sheriff and they agreed that the people coming from your jail should have preference over the other applicants."

So, it sounds good. I'm just hoping and praying! And, if he doesn't get a job now they will be hiring again in another couple of months. It would be so awesome if he got this job, so perfect. But, again, I'm not God maybe he has other plans......

Not a good night again

I'm just wondering how long it will take before I stop sounding like a broken record.
Will the pain ever get easier? Will my heart ever hurt less?

I just found out that my best friend is pregnant. I know this is not nice, but out of all the people I know she and her hubby are in the worst position to have a baby. What is God thinking?!?!?

My head is totally in the game and totally understands that everything is in God's control and in His plan and He has the right ideas about things. He can see the big picture and right now in His big picture me being pregnant is not in the cards. It's not the right time according to Him. I know He knows what is best for me and Jason, I get that.

Me of all people know that sometimes waiting is better. I had to wait ten years for my hubby, because he wasn't legal to marry when I thought I was ready to marry. :)

I'm just sort of stuck on this: "Why not God, why not?"

So my question is, will this ever get easier? Will it ever get easier when I hear someone is pregnant? Will I ever not hate them when I hear their good news? Will I ever not have to mask my first thoughts when I hear: "I'm pregnant!"? How long will it take me to get there? My heart can only take so much.

BTW the fall baby count is 2.

Job Prospects

Jason went and checked out another detention center today. He liked the place and how it was run. They are hiring 5 more correction officers. He and some other correction officers are putting in their applications. Problem is so are a lot of other correction officers.

When the right job comes around I know he'll get it. Waiting for that one is a real pain though...

Not TTC

There is a possibility that Jason is going to loose his job sometime after July. The detention center he is working in is turning into a 72 hr holding facility starting July 1, 2009. Well, they are going to start turning it into one on July 1, 2009 so who knows how long he will keep his job? It will take at least a couple of months to switch it over so he might be able to keep his job until fall or winter.

Because of the uncertainty we are holding off on "aggressive" getting pregnant. Which means that I will not be calling any fertility doctors or trying to see a gyno so that I can be put on clomid. Also means no charting or doing any OPK's. It does not mean though that I am going to be put on birth control.

In the words of my hubby we'll be "just practicing". :)

There was something I wanted to say...

I got on here with a "purpose" but now I don't remember what it was. I know there was something I wanted to say but for the life of me I can't remember what it was....

Oh, there is this:

The car broke.
But God had things worked out in an odd way, so I don't know why we were worried.

It broke LAST Wednesday (on a day it was dark and stormy--I kid you not) but we managed to limp home and then get it to the Car Doc. Called the Car Doc on Thursday.

Jason leaves a message at the Car Doc on Wednesday: "I dropped my car off. We've been having troubles with it overheating, we think the thermostat might be shot. Could you look at it and call me back."

Thursday morning after Jason has called them (Why are they like that at the Car Doc?)

• Doc: "Your radiator is shot. And the one you need has to be special ordered because you have a limited edition vehicle and they only made parts for your vehicle for TWO MONTHS so it will be 4 times as much as normal"

(Gee thanks)

• Me: "Um. Well. We don't have the money until my husband gets paid next Thursday."
• Car Doc: "I don't do credit."
• Me thinking: Great now what?

So Jason and I borrow $300 from his parents in hopes that the car will be ready by Monday. Because, if not for bad luck I'd have no luck at all, the Car Doc is closed on Friday anyway so we'll have to wait until Monday anyway.

Monday & Tuesday Car Doc says: "Part is not in" (which is a lie because later we find out that they had the part but some bozo dropped the NEW radiator and BROKE it!!!! So then they had to get another one!)

Wednesday finally the car part arrives around lunch time and they tell us that it will be ready by closing.

Jason and I get to the Car Doc at 5:25 (after closing to see if it is waiting for us in the yard). And yay it's there ready! Jason pays the bill. The Car Doc fires up the car in hopes of getting the coolant to flush through the system. I am turning the car around as I see Jason walking towards me and I can tell by the way he is walking that he is NOT happy.

• Jason: "Ya, so when I asked them to look at the car I thought they'd LOOK at the car. Ya. The thermostat is gone."
• Me thinking: Hmmm. Tomorrow is Pay day. We didn't even need to have bothered to borrow money because the car was never going to be ready before Thursday anyway. Cool.

See, God DOES have a plan we just can't ever see it!

*sigh*

If all goes according to plan the car will be ready tomorrow.
And yes, the radiator really did need to be replaced, it had a hole in it.

That wasn't what I was going to tell you, maybe I'll remember it later.

Not a good night

I learned today that one of my friends is 7 weeks pregnant.

It has put me in such a slump.

I was doing good.

I know that God has good plans for us and that His timing is so much better than mine. In fact not being pregnant is probably a good thing right now because the jail is shutting down in July 1st which means that Jason is out of a job and we are with out benefits. My head is so on top of this not being pregnant is a good thing.

My heart though hurts so much!
I keep telling God that I can't take much more of this, but He seems to think different. Who am I to argue?

It still hurts....