Remembered

I was just looking through some of my old posts and I was reminded of something.

Jason and I thought that we might be able to buy his dying aunts house when she goes, but that is not going to be a possibility. The aunt decided to will the house to the previous owners because the piece of property that her house sits on used to (long ago) belong to that family and the family (who she is friends with) would like to have the house back. Not that the aunt HAS to give it back, she just wants to. She also, and as far as I know I'm quoting here: "Doesn't want Tara and Betsy to profit from the sale of her house." why she feels this way is any one's guess. The lady is not right in the head.

Big bummer.

I was reminded though at church recently that sometimes God says no because His plan is much better than what we can imagine. Which is true. I am baffled that Jason and I are together, because who would have imagined us married? Only God could have seen the possibility and said those two, those two will be perfect together.

(Jason is in the gray t-shirt and I am the teenager standing next to him!)

TTC

Did it, finally. I called the Dr today and I am being put back on some meds.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Pregnancy Testing....

Sunday I will take test #4 since passing the one month mark since my last period. I know what I should be doing (calling my doctor) but I'm not sure what is going on in my head as to why I am not...

I had a long "talking to" by a former boss (the Dr. in Boston I used to work for) about TTC and she told me I needed to get serious about it if I was serious about getting pregnant. She told me that there is an "algorithm" for people like me to get pregnant and how I should be tapping into this "algorithm" (she kept using that word and all I could think of was NUMB3RS and how me getting pregnant has nothing to do about math which led to the thought of how much I just really wanted her to shut up...but I digress....) and she was worried that I might not really be ready to be a parent and is Jason ready to be a parent and do we have enough space/money/time/ect to have a baby.

*SIGH*

She put me in a funk and I know I shouldn't let her do that. I give the words power.

I don't know why I haven't called my Dr to ask "what is next". I thought I might this week. I just really, really, really want to get prego on my own & I think that is my problem. I want there to be no problem. I want a miracle. I want to not be broken. So I guess I am rebelling. Which is stupid. I just need to grow up or something...

Or maybe I'm not ready. Maybe I need more time.

I say that, but the not being pregnant, the not knowing kills me. Sometimes I don't cry when I hear about another pregnancy, sometimes though I cry for an hour when I hear someone's happy & lucky news, sometimes I cry when I get another negative test, and sometimes I'm fine.

I'm not strong enough to have infertility. Sometimes I feel as if I make break in half and fall into a million pieces like a dropped glass on a stone floor. I just don't want to be that sad woman with no kids who looks with longing and hatred at all the other mothers as she seethes with jealousy and yet glows with their happiness. I've seen them around in churches and in other places you might find children and I don't want to be her. I have this fear that if we go to the drs and they tell us there is no hope that I will become bitter which will be hard in my profession, but I'm putting the horse before the cart and that does no one any good.

I'm just scared. So scared.

I've fallen away a bit from God lately and I'm trying to get back in the groove of things and I know that will help me with my fear. He promised me a child. He didn't tell me how or when, but he promised me one.

I try to remember that promise and remind myself that even if Jason and I can't concieve that we can adopt. I WILL have a child to love of my own, I just might be really old before we get there.

So pray for me. On Monday I am going to call my doctor to get to the next step. Email me on Tuesday and see if I followed through.

Is it Really a Compliment?

Is it really a compliment if it contains the word 'but'?

I like your drawing, but why is it so grey?

I like you car, but didn't the dealer offer to wash it?

I like your new hair cut, but I liked it the way you got it cut last time better.
It's not that I don't like getting the information. I'm glad to know that this hair cut isn't one he'd like to see again. I just wished he had chosen a different time to tell me that.

I think God should have given men better skills at dealing with women. I don't like this training/teaching/whipping (whatever you want to call it) part. I teach/train/whip children all day long. I'd like at least one relationship to be easy!

Tree Lighting

We went to the Tree Lighting in Portland. Sometime shortly after Thanksgiving. I don't remember when. I had never gone to one before and felt the need to "get in the spirit" since my hubby wouldn't allow me to get a tree (I still don't understand why I couldn't). It was funish. I'm not sure I would do it again.

We did, however, have a grand time eating some Thai food! Yum!

Titus

Titus died.

Apparently he was sick.

The neighbor called us, because they had picked Titus up one day (titus was outside) and recognized him and Titus had a tag on with Jason's number.

Anyway....

Titus disappeared one day after I let him outside. Then stayed disappeared for a week or so. I asked Jason to call the people who had called him before and they said that they hadn't seen him. After another week went by I had Jason call again. This time they told him that Titus had died and gave Jason the number of Titus's real owners.

Jason called the real owner and he told Jason that Titus had gotten sick over the summer but he couldn't take care of the problem. Then Titus disappeared on him for a month. We still have some questions as to why Titus was so skinny, but it is over and done with now.....

Just Wanted to Remember

I have this feeling I'm going to forget I have this site up on the knot. So I'm putting what I wrote there, here, so I don't forget stuff..... :)

ABOUT DELIA
Delia was born in NH on November 26, 1979, raised in ME from 1984-1999, spent some time in MA twice once from 1999-2000 and the second time 2001-2005 before returning home to ME to start a daycare with her mother. She has been a kitchen coordinator, chef, waitress, janitor, butler, maid, nanny, house staff coordinator, nose wiper, boo boo kisser, world and state traveler, errand runner, daycare provider and is looking forward to her up coming role as wife and someday mother.

ABOUT JASON Jason has lived in Maine his entire life starting on July 30, 1988. He has traveled to different countries: Romania, Venezuela, and Belize and volunteered at his church to in order to serve God. He is trained as a firefighter and as a licensed EMS, but has settled for now in the job as Corrections Officer.

HOW WE MET Jason and Delia officially met in 1990 when Jason's family moved in next door to Delia's. However, it would take 17 years and Delia's family moving before they viewed each other as marriage material. They remet in May of 2007 when Delia's temporary roommate announced, "I'm bring Jason Hamlin over to watch a movie with us, I hope that's all right." Jason soon became a fixture in the apartment as he pursued the friendship of Delia's roommate, but someone else had caught his attention. Abandoning thoughts of Delia's roommate Jason set his sights on Delia.Things progressed quickly into romance when Jason lost a bet and had to cook dinner for Delia. Up until that point Delia had not seen Jason as viable marriage material, but that night she saw him as the man he had become. On June 4, 2007 Jason said, "Delia, I think we should date." To which Delia responded, "Yes, I think you are right."

WHEN WE GOT ENGAGED December 24, 2007

HOW IT HAPPENED Christmas Eve 2007 was not a happy time in the Blidberg household. Grandma Shattuck had a major stroke and was preparing to go home to God. Delia's parents had left in the afternoon to go an sit with Grandma and Nancy's sister during the long process of dying.The Hamlin's had already planned on coming over to eat snacks and, not wishing to make things more unpleasant, Delia asked that they still come over. While Delia was preparing food in the kitchen Jason walkedin with a box and says, "I know that we agreed to not give each other Christmas presents this year, but I got you something." He then hands Delia a heavy box.The box's weight confused Delia as she had immediately thought, engagement ring. With all of Jason's family watching Delia opened the box to see a note. She read the first line and skipped down to the one that read: Will you marry me? Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jason bend down on one knee and open a little box, "Will you marry me?" Delia answered by giving him a kiss and saying, "Yes."

I feel better now.

Another Sad Happy

I'm evil or selfish or evilly selfish I don't know.

A co-work of Jason's died from a major heart attack. So, my second thought after: "Oh, that is terrible. His poor family and friends...." Was.... "Jason will be put on a better shift!" I'm terrible. I feel awful about my thoughts.

I am sad, really, I am.

But a part of me is a little bit happy.

Dr. Visit

I'm at day 72 (or so) with out an period so I called the doc and she told me to come in for some tests.

I'm not pregnant (no surprise there) and I don't have an ulcer! The new plan is to put me on Provera to jump start my period. We are hoping and praying that this jumpstart is enough to get my cycle going. With an actual cycle maybe I'll ovulate and then who knows what will happen!

Keep your fingers crossed and those prayers lifted up to heaven!

Updates

It has been awhile since I posted anything so here is an update.

Jason's Job

So about a week ago we thought he was going to go back to the dreaded Rover shift (which means no week-ends off ever and almost no chance to get any overtime). There has been quite an upset at work. A lady in the office was out due to back issues so someone from one of the shifts went into the office which left a vacant spot and Jason gladly filled it. Being on a crew meant that Jason got to experience 6 days off in a row once a month (Oct & Nov) plus 2, count them 2! week-end off in a month. AND opportunity to get some much needed overtime (I love that time and a half!). Mid month they told us that Jason would be going back to the Rover shift (everyone is going back to where they belonged) and we were bummed, I was hoping for some overtime over the holiday's, but we had been expecting it soon. Then like three days later everything changed and they said "oh, no, she can't work a full week yet, you can stay where you are until Dec 28th. Which is great. Because, all the days that the family is using to celebrate Christmas he now has off and doesn't need to ask for time off and use his vacation or holiday time! Yeah!

The bummer is that soon he'll be back to the Rover shift. At least they are just 8 hr days, not the 12 that he has been doing over the past month.

Pets

Last week on Tuesday I a saw a cat walking along our driveway. I didn't think too much of it because we see stray cats all the time. I did stick my head out the window and call to it, but it had little effect on it. That night we had a bible study and apparently he was sitting at the door because one of our friends let it in. She bent down to pet it and felt every bone in it's spine and she said to herself, "This can't be one of the Blidberg's cat, they would never do this to a pet." That was, of course, after she had let it in on our porch. Mom shooed it back outside and Kat got it some food to munch on. During bible study we came to the conclusion that we ought to help out this kitty. Sadly, when we went out to let it back in it had gone for the night.

Two days later on Thursday Kat saw it in the yard and opened the door to give it a friendly call, but it thought she meant ill for it and it ran away. We thought that was going to be the end of the kitty. However, that evening as one of the daycare grandparents were leaving I heard, "Hello, I didn't know that they had a kitty all one color." Which we didn't. As I am standing in the kitchen in waltz's this gray long haired cat. He walks up to me as if to say: "Move lady, I need to get to the food."

Jason and I capture it, which was "hard", since it wanted to be picked up and immediately started to purr the moment you talked to it. We put it in the dog's kennel for the night (in case it had some evil disease) and in the morning I brought it to the shelter. The shelter has this program where for $65 you can have a stray spayed/neutered plus have shots and vaccines. Luckily we only had to pay $35 because he was already "altered". He got a clean bill of health and has now joined our happy family. So, Meet Titus! He is super friendly. When he isn't eating or sleeping he is curled up on our chests watching TV with us!

TTC

No news on the pregnancy front. Still trying, still charting, still hoping that soon I'll be "with child".

Gastric

I had another flare up of my gastritis (sp?). I called my doctor and confessed that I had not done the meds that I had been given correctly from the first time. She thought that one of the meds I have been taking so I have stopped that and started pepcid. We are giving my tummy 2 weeks and then "we'll see" whatever that means. Tuesday will be 2 weeks. Also, because I have not had a period in nearly 60 days (which is not abnormal when coming off of "the pill") she is going to give me Provera to jump start my period. Maybe that will jump start the baby creating too?

More Pets

I don't have kids, I have pets and here is a couple more pictures of them.

This is Cali, she has just come home from apple picking! :)

And this is Izzy participating in her daily routine of playing with her ball. Sometimes Cali and Vinnie join her in her daily calenstetics of running from one end of the apartment to the other tossing and rolling on her ball.

This is Vinnie, curled up on the couch, doing what he does best....sleeping.