Saturday, March 7, 2009

Not a good night again

I'm just wondering how long it will take before I stop sounding like a broken record.
Will the pain ever get easier? Will my heart ever hurt less?

I just found out that my best friend is pregnant. I know this is not nice, but out of all the people I know she and her hubby are in the worst position to have a baby. What is God thinking?!?!?

My head is totally in the game and totally understands that everything is in God's control and in His plan and He has the right ideas about things. He can see the big picture and right now in His big picture me being pregnant is not in the cards. It's not the right time according to Him. I know He knows what is best for me and Jason, I get that.

Me of all people know that sometimes waiting is better. I had to wait ten years for my hubby, because he wasn't legal to marry when I thought I was ready to marry. :)

I'm just sort of stuck on this: "Why not God, why not?"

So my question is, will this ever get easier? Will it ever get easier when I hear someone is pregnant? Will I ever not hate them when I hear their good news? Will I ever not have to mask my first thoughts when I hear: "I'm pregnant!"? How long will it take me to get there? My heart can only take so much.

BTW the fall baby count is 2.

1 comment:

  1. I don't think it ever gets easier. I remember when we were trying for Ava (I think it had been about 10 months at that point) a girl in the church announced she was pregnant. She was still in high school (so was her boyfriend) and unmarried. I was so upset! Here we were late 20's, married for 7 + years - we were the once supposed to be pregnant. Not an unmarried teen!

    I've been there Delia. It hurts. I know. I've had the same thoughts and I've cried the same tears.

    We don't understand why things happen the way they do. I don't think we ever will this side of heaven.

    Sending hugs to my cuz! ((((((((HUGS))))))))


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