I've been thinking a lot about love and mothering lately. I don't have any concrete thoughts that would translate well, so I've made a list.
This is what I have been trying to do
- Get up before them
- That means I set my alarm for 6:30, get up to it, and take a shower. If I'm lucky I might even be able to start the coffee (or warm up yesterdays). If I'm really, really lucky I might be able to have a morning chat with my mom with no little ones hanging off me.
- Remember to love them with God's love
- This means my agenda is their agenda. My children are more important than: laundry, dishes, clean laundry, made beds, folded laundry, and my knitting.
- This also means I often chant "He's only three. He's only three."
- Lower my expectations for his behavior. He's had a rough winter with teenagers living in his house for a couple of months and now a little sister that takes up all of Mommy's time.
- Remember that God sacrificed everything to me and loves me unconditionally.
- Shut off the screen
- We have a new rule since the beginning of the year. TV's and computers are for "dark" in this house. Unless we are watching something together.
- Shutting off the screen has been a tremendous help. I still slip up sometimes, but I'm getting better.
These are things I want to do more
- Read my Bible.
- Seriously, I can spend how many hours playing stupid games on Facebook, but have no time for God? How lame am I?
- Listen to the Sermon on-line. (Bean's Corner Sunday Morning Sermon)
- Often on Sunday morning I am busy chasing Stomper, teaching in a class, or caring for Our Sweetie so I don't often hear the sermon.
- Especially right now I think this is important because Ira is teaching on love, I need to hear these messages!
- Spend time one-on-one with Stomper -- every day
- I miss him sometimes. Tuesday we have visits locally and I leave in the morning, but I don't see him until after nap. Then he goes to his Mimi's on Wednesday nights so I don't see him until supper on Thursday. I miss my boy.
- Include Stomper in my daily activities
- Yes, having a three year old do your dishes is effective, but time consuming. I think if I let him help me more we'd have better weeks.
That's what's been rolling around in my head.
All-in-all what I want is to know that my children feel loved. Jason assures me that I am a wonderful mother, the best actually, but I always feel like I've really blown it at times. I know that feeling like you're failing is natural and normal, but I'd like to feel it less often. I'd like to know that I am doing my best, and I don't feel like I am.
I do know that mothering is a learning process and I won't ever be perfect.
Thankfully God loves me despite my imperfections.
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