I haven’t been writing and I couldn't figure out why until I
read a post by Ginny that got me thinking. I realized that I haven’t shared because I have been
feeling a little two faced. I don’t want to write about the hard stuff, I’d
rather you see pictures of happy chickens, a smiling nearly 3 year old, our new
kittens, or a beautiful blue sky. Not the ugly stuff, the stuff of life. I know
a lot of bloggers go through ths at one point or another; the realization that
since this is their blog they can choose the content, even if it means skipping
over the ugly parts.
I am making a choice. I have challenges I face (like we all
do); things I don’t want to photograph or tell you about. We have all pains and
some pains are not safe being shared over the internet.
“No matter the temptation to pour my heart out, this is the internet, and my heart is not the only one on the line.”
That being said I will tell you one of the many things that
has been heavy on my heart lately: a sibling for my son.
I am ten years older than my brother. As a child I was
confident that I had an older brother, possibly evil, that my parents didn't
tell me about. It was too odd being an only child. All my friends had siblings.
They all told me, of course, that having a sibling was awful and I was “lucky”.
I hated being the only child. We would travel a lot and I always imagined that
having a sibling would make being in a strange church easier (my parents were
missionaries and would travel to different churches to raise support) and
visiting strangers more bearable.
When I got older and dreamt of my family I imagined myself
as the mother of a dozen children. They would be spaced close together so that
they could play together. There would always be children in my home, I told myself.
My son is almost 3. I wanted him to have a sibling and one
on the way by now, according to my own personal timeline. God doesn't take our
timeline into account though, does he? My Mom wanted three kids, she got all
three; eventually. My sister is 15 years younger than me. Fifteen years is a
long time to wait to achieve the goal of three kids.
I know that God has a plan. A perfect plan. Not a plan to
make me happy, but one that brings Him glory through my life. Maybe it’s His
plan that Stomper is an only child. It hurts to even think about having just
one child, but I’m sure God will help me through the pain.
While my heart is heavy I thank God that He saw fit it make
me a Mom. Even it means a Mom to only one. There are many women out there with
empty arms and hearts full of sorrow.
If you think of it, you could pray for us: for guidance, for
wisdom, and for strength to do what God sets before us.
(Photos from the recently family reunion – 5 Generations!)
If you are new to my blog some background information on our journey to being a family of Three:
Posts
I kinda know how you feel. I prayed for 6 years for children and went to 2 different Dr. and had 3-4 procedures with each one. God finally answered my prayers and gave me Jonathan. With triple doses of clomid a fertility drug, I got Jacob. 3 1/2 years later, Jamison came. Then I had a miscarriage. Devastating whether you have kids or not. 15 years from the start I got my daughter. God certainly answers prayers but in his time. I will certainly pray for you and Jason! I strongly feel kids need siblings!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouragement!
DeleteI was an only child. I was perfectly okay with it. I'd be okay if Little Man was an only child because we, at least, have him. However, if he has a sibling, I don't want them to be so far apart that they're strangers. I have friends that have siblings that almost 20 years younger.
ReplyDeleteWith all that said, you have be and he's fabulous. If there isn't another in the plans, it will be okay :)
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI am the youngest of 8 and my husband is the 8th of ten. We have 2 daughters who are 8 1/2 years apart. They have a closer friendship than we have with our siblings. Like you, the first took awhile then the 2d even longer. No medical assistance just a faith in God would bless us in his time and in his way. Our daughters are not perfect but then neither are their parents. But they are good people and they are loved. Just like your blessed and loved son. He is truly a gift from God. Best wishes. Delia in RB (CA)