And Again

This time the dream was this:

I had a baby and her name was Lilly. But the baby looked just like Katrina (when she was a baby) and not like either of the Lilly's I know.

Also we were in my childhood home in the basement and there was something about trying to put one of my former daycare kiddo's down for a nap on top of a dresser.

Why are the babies girls? I want a baby boy first!

Good News!
My Hubby is off nights at work and tomorrow night (tuesday) we get to sleep in the same bed at the same time! I'm so psyched!!

Dreaming Still

My dreams enjoy torturing me.

Last night I dreamt (twice) that I had taken a home pregnancy test and it was positive. I don't remember the first dream, but the second one all I can remember is my parents reaction. They both gave me gigantic hugs and the hugs felt so good! I almost cried when I woke up and realized that those hugs had never happened. I wasn't upset that I woke up and wasn't pregnant, but that I had really felt those hugs. Weird.

Jason is working nights. I really hate it when he works nights. I feel so lonely with out him to talk to. That and the bed is too big.

I took my first at home pregnancy test (hence the dreams) and it was negative. I had a really weird period and I thought I might be pregnant. Probably though it was weird because of going to the hospital the stress and all that.

This month marks the first month of Jason and I "officially" trying to get pregnant. I really, really, really, really hope that I don't have to use drugs to get preggo and it will just happen!

All Done

BTW.

No more tummy problems. What ever it was is done! Praise God!

Argh

I know I'm not pregnant. I want to be, but I'm not.

I'm taking a test tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted.

Chinese Men?

I dreamt lastnight that I saw a Chinese man pregnant.

Frustrated

My body is playing tricks on me. I am supposed to be having my period. I did have a smudge on Tues and Weds and now nothing. Argh. Not even a spot. Now, as of Sunday I wasn't prego, they did a test and didn't say I was so I'm not. But it really messes with my head!

Another Baby

Just found out on Sunday that one of my friends is due in March! Ugh!

I really, really, really hope that Jason and I can announce that we are pregnant on Christmas. When we have a baby it will have a living great great grandmother, great grandmother, and grandmother all on the same side! How cool would that be? I know that we aren't going to get pregnant fast, but I still have a little bit of pessemistic hope.

We saw a set of infant twins at a restraunt on Monday. I smiled at Jason and he said, "No, no twins." Like either of us have a choice. Oh how I love him!

Dreaming Again

I really hope that my dreams are prophetic.

Last night I dreamt that Jason and I had a baby girl. She was all pink and scrunchy with black hair (must have been newborn). For some strange reason we were taking her to the movies. If I remember correctly I think Jason changed a diaper.

Delia Called the Dr and the Dr Said

I called the doc to see how on earth I got this gastric stuff and she said it was probably the fair food on Saturday. She also said I only have to take the malox concoction when I'm in pain and to take note of the foods that hurt. She also said that after two weeks/ten days to stop the pepcid and see how I am and if I'm fine then Yay! and if not then we'll go from there and find out what's up.

I am praying that it was just the fair food and that I'm fine.

Annoyed

I hate all my meds, but for the next 10 days I need them. Argh. This is my crazy med schedual.

• 6am Levox (thyroid)
• 715 Sucral (new med)
• 815 Eat
• 845 Pepcid (new med)
• 945 Lidocained (new med)
• 1030 Sucral
• 1130 Eat
• 1230 Metformin & vitamins (which are supposed to be eaten with food, but i can't because I have to wait 2 hrs after taking the Sucral so that they can be absorbed into my stomach, because the Sucral doesn't let much pass it as it coats the lining of my tummy!)
• 130pm Lidocaine (this really ought to be taken directly after a meal as it is a numbing agent-liquid form-and anti-acid, but again I can't because I have other pills I need to take!
• 530 Sucral
• 630 Eat
• 730 Metformin
• 800 Pepcid (which is too early but I don't want to wait too long before I take my pain killer....)
• 900 Lidocaine
• Bedtime cough meds (Yes I have a prescription for that too)

However, all my annoyances aside I am happy that there are meds out there to help. Ugh.

So this is what WebMD has to say about Gastritis, which is one of the options of what I have. I am calling my doctor today to find out how this happened...

• Digestive Diseases: Gastritis
  Gastritis is an inflammation, irritation or erosion of the lining of the stomach. It can occur suddenly (acute) or gradually (chronic).
  What Causes Gastritis?
  Gastritis can be caused by irritation due to excessive alcohol use, chronic vomiting, stress or the use of certain medications such as aspirin or other anti-inflammatory drugs. It may also be caused by any of the following:
  Helicobacter pylori (H. pylori): A bacteria that lives in the mucous lining of the stomach. Without treatment the infection can lead to ulcers, and in some people, stomach cancer.
  Pernicious anemia: A form of anemia that occurs when the stomach lacks a naturally occurring substance needed to properly absorb and digest vitamin B12.
  Bile reflux: A backflow of bile into the stomach from the bile tract (that connects to the liver and gallbladder).
  Infections caused by bacteria and viruses
  If gastritis is left untreated, it can lead to a severe loss in blood, or in some cases increase the risk of developing stomach cancer.

And here is what they say about Peptic Ulcers which is the other options.

• Peptic Ulcer Disease - Topic Overview
  
  
  What is a peptic ulcer?
  A peptic ulcer is a sore in the inner lining of the stomach or upper small intestine (duodenum). Ulcers develop when the intestine or stomach's protective layer is broken down. When this happens, digestive juices can damage the intestine or stomach tissue. These strong juices, which contain hydrochloric acid and an enzyme called pepsin, also can injure the esophagus. The esophagus is the tube that leads from your throat to your stomach.
  Peptic ulcers are no longer a condition that most people have to live with their entire lives. Treatment cures most ulcers, and symptoms go away quickly.
  Peptic ulcers that form in the stomach are called gastric ulcers. Those that form in the upper small intestine are called duodenal (say "doo-uh-DEE-nul" or "doo-AW-duh-nul") ulcers.

Stove

Here is our new Beautiful machine of warmth! My Dad put our pellet stove in on Friday when I told him that our apartment had gotten down to 60! Eek! The first night we used it we had to shut it off. The apartment was 81! Yikes! I am so excited to be warm all winter!

Jason in a Box

For my second birthday my Dad made me a cedar toy box.

Yesterday I told Jason how I used to get inside it and hide. He looked at it and said to me: "I bet you could still fit inside." I said, "Yep, probably." He decided to try.
Almost in!
But not quite. It was a little tight!

Here is Something Fun To Do

Last night as church was wrapping up (we were busy doing the Baptist Blab) I began to get a pain at the top of my stomach. I didn't think too much of it since I had just finished drinking a liter of water in like an hour I figured I just overfilled my tummy a bit.

I got home to my hubby and my tummy was not any better. It hurt to have it touched. I was belching a bit, but even that did little to relieve the pressure. Laying down hurt the most, sitting was bearable, and standing felt all right, but no matter what I did nothing eased the pain. I went online and rechecked all the side effects to my meds and came up blank so I figured it was just something I needed to ride out. At about quarter to ten the pain disappeared for about two minutes and I laid down with my hubby to watch TV.

No sooner had I relaxed then the pain came back two fold and this time on both sides of my stomach and my stomach (but lower). I couldn't stand the pain, I was almost in tears. It was the most pain I had ever experienced in my life. I had Jason call poison control because I had taken one of my many meds only 3hrs apart. However, poison control said my pain was unrelated to the drugs. That was when I got scared. Jason quickly changed out of his PJ's and said: "Get your shoes on."

We now know that we can make it to the hospital in less than 5mins! Which is good to know for when we get pregnant. While were filling out paper work at the hospital the pain dissipated and I was fine. We contemplated leaving, but thought it best to wait and find out what had happened.

The Dr. told us that it was probably nothing serious, but he wanted to do some tests just in case. After blood work and x-rays he announced gastricitist or possibly an ulcer. Fun.

But here is the thing that kills me. He gave me 3 more prescriptions! Like I needed the hassle. And two of them I can't take at the same time as my Metformin. Thankfully it's only for a week. If any symptoms return I'm to call my doctor.

Tonight I will be looking up the two conditions online, because it doesn't make much sense to me to have had the pain all of a sudden with out any previous symptoms! Ugh!

Dreams

Last night I had the most fantastic dream.
I dreamt that I had a baby and her name was Mia. I even nursed her (granted she was like 3months at the time, why I waited I don't know). She felt so real in my arms, but dreams are like that I guess.
I woke up a little sad that it wasn't true.

I tell ya, if it's true about pregnancy and dreams then I am in for a ride!

Our Babies

Here is two of our five "babies". The kitten is named Cali and the pomeranian is Vinne. We cut him short in the summer so that he doens't over heat, and the fur is easier to maintain. I plan on taking some pictures of our other three babies sometime soon. I want to get one of Izzy jumping into the pond. She is very funny. The picture of Cali and Vinnie was taken this week-end. Jason found them both locked in the bathroom, which is odd since Vinnie is not allowed in the bathroom. For some reason Cali perfers to lay on the damp bathmat than anywhere else in the bathroom. Animals can be so wierd sometimes! I just went looking through my pictures and I found one of Izzy. She's laying down so you can't really see her true length. I really don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to get a black lab! Cali is so funny with the dogs. She loves to play with Izzy's tail and she pounces on Vinnie when she gets bored of chasing fluff and shadows across the kitchen floor. Vinnie and Izzy also like to play tug and chase, in the house. It is a minor miracle that they don't destory everything in our apartment!

Temp Taking

I'm using http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ to track my temperature and to tell me when to try to get pregnant (I'm still on the pill I just wanted to get in the habit now). I have my doubts. I know that it is probably scientifically proven, but my Mom said when she was trying her temp never spiked. ... I don't know, maybe she has issues too.

I have one more row of pills before "my week to bleed" and then no more pills. I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, that my fertility problems won't be a problem and the pills I have been on have helped! If not then on to Plan B!

Stupid Pills

I hate. HATE the birthcontrol pills I am on. My body thinks it's time for my menstration, but it's not. I have a week and a day of pill left that have the medicine in it!!! Stupid pills! I will be so happy to be off them!

A "Busy" July

I just found out that someone from my church is expecting a baby.

They are due in April.

There was a lot of people getting their "groove" on in July. I now know 3 babies due in April!

Only Rocks Sleep Better

Jason is working nights for part of this week (6pm-6am) and he sleeps like the dead. Almost nothing can wake him up when he is out like that.

So I said to Mom: "When Jason works nights he cannot have a toddler by himself during the day while he is sleeping."
Mom: "Why."
"I'm not sure he'd wake up if the baby needed him."
"Oh."
"Yeah, the dog knocked the trash can over and I don't think he even stirred."

I think though that the sound of a baby crying would wake him, but not the sound of a toddler sneaking out of their bed to get into trouble. Not that I'd leave the kid with him anyway when he needed sleep. It's kind of funny to think about.

I can see it in my minds eye...

I walk in after being gone (I don't know what I was doing, but I was gone). The kid is standing say on the counter reaching for cookies. A huge stack of books/a chair/a stool is up against the counter that the kid has climbed. Me, "honey, why is the kid in the cookie jar." Jason groggy from sleep, "We have cookies?"

I love my husband, I can't wait to see him as a Dad!

Cry Baby

I slept wrong Friday night (How fair is that to sleep wrong, I'm asleep I can't help myself, and here I am "sleeping wrong") and now I have this dull ache in my right shoulder area. However, yesterday the pain was bad enough for me to catch my breath everytime I moved it. Then last night as I was settling down into bed (on my back which is not the "wrong" way to sleep) I cried because I could not get comfortable no matter what I did. I just don't handle pain well.

I made an appointment with the massage therapist to see if she could give me any relief, but today it is much better, no sharp, shooting, sudden stabs of pain that travel all the way down my arm.

Whenever I have pain like this it always makes me wonder, how will I handle childbirth pain? I am just thankful for modern medicine and a loving husband who I can beat up since it will be his fault I'm in pain. :)

Questions Answered

I talked to the hubby and can I just say that he is amazing. I am so happy that God gave him to me and that by some strange miracle we found each other and ended up being so "right"? God is good that is all I can say.

I talked to the hubby and lo and behold he is just as frightened as I am about this whole baby thing! :) For some reason knowing he is scared makes me less scared. He tells me that I'll make a good mother and that, "No, I'll never be ready to give up some of my freedoms, but I still want to go through with this and have a baby." He tells me that he'll adjust.

I just hope that if we do get pregnant as soon as I'm hoping (let there be a miracle!) and we can't afford a house, that the room upstairs gets built. I'd like to have one place dog hair free and that will be our upstairs! ....I hope.

Questions

Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder:

• Am I ready for parenthood?
• Am I ready for 2 am feedings?
• Am I ready to give up some of my freedoms & rights? (such as: showering quietly, sleeping in, being alone & quiet in my home)
• Am I ready to responsible 24/7 for someone?
• Is my marriage ready for this?
• Are our finances ready for a baby?
• Do I want a kid for the right reasons?

And then I remember that I have a good man by my side and a loving and supportive family near-by and I realize that, yes, things are going to be different and hard. But in some ways things will be way more fun.

Off Some Meds

I called the doctor yesterday and this is what she said, "We don't know for sure that you are infertile, maybe the metformin did the trick. Stop the spironolactone this month and next month stop the birth control and we'll see what happens."

So in October Jason and I will officially be trying for a baby!

:)

Breastfeeding

Just to add to my worry and fears I found out that with my hypothyroid I may have issues breastfeeding. Such as not having enough milk because my body has a too slow metabalism. I did read though that this woman was able to pump some out and feed to her baby in addition to formula, so that's something good.

Our Story Begins

Jason and I were married May 31, 2008. I have always wanted children and even before we married we discussed children: when to have them, how many, what to call them, and how to raise them. Logic told me that we ought to wait a year to even think about kids (so we could get used to being hubby & wife) but at 28 (almost 29) my clock is ticking.

Recently we decided to quicken the pace and start trying sooner. Due to my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrom) I don't ovulate. No egg no baby. I went to my doctor and she started me on a drug that my doc said should jump start the egg dropping process, but I have to be on it for 6 months! The other day I was feeling a bit depressed about having to wait and then maybe not even having a baby so I went on line to see what I could find.

What I found gave me hope. I found a slew of other women with PCOS that have gotten pregnant, with out this fourth drug that I'm taking (yes I'm on four pills right now!) so tomorrow (sept 2) I'm going to give my doc a call and see if I can stop taking this 6 month pill and go straight to the baby making!

For the first time since I was diagnosed with PCOS (at age 14) I have hope of concieving. I've been pretty hopeless lately. I cry alot. Especially when my friends or family call me with news that so-and-so is pregnant. I even find it hard to hold a newborn, because in the back of my mind I have had this thought that I'll never have one of my own. But, like I said I have hope.