Another Sad Happy

I'm evil or selfish or evilly selfish I don't know.

A co-work of Jason's died from a major heart attack. So, my second thought after: "Oh, that is terrible. His poor family and friends...." Was.... "Jason will be put on a better shift!" I'm terrible. I feel awful about my thoughts.

I am sad, really, I am.

But a part of me is a little bit happy.

Dr. Visit

I'm at day 72 (or so) with out an period so I called the doc and she told me to come in for some tests.

I'm not pregnant (no surprise there) and I don't have an ulcer! The new plan is to put me on Provera to jump start my period. We are hoping and praying that this jumpstart is enough to get my cycle going. With an actual cycle maybe I'll ovulate and then who knows what will happen!

Keep your fingers crossed and those prayers lifted up to heaven!

Updates

It has been awhile since I posted anything so here is an update.

Jason's Job

So about a week ago we thought he was going to go back to the dreaded Rover shift (which means no week-ends off ever and almost no chance to get any overtime). There has been quite an upset at work. A lady in the office was out due to back issues so someone from one of the shifts went into the office which left a vacant spot and Jason gladly filled it. Being on a crew meant that Jason got to experience 6 days off in a row once a month (Oct & Nov) plus 2, count them 2! week-end off in a month. AND opportunity to get some much needed overtime (I love that time and a half!). Mid month they told us that Jason would be going back to the Rover shift (everyone is going back to where they belonged) and we were bummed, I was hoping for some overtime over the holiday's, but we had been expecting it soon. Then like three days later everything changed and they said "oh, no, she can't work a full week yet, you can stay where you are until Dec 28th. Which is great. Because, all the days that the family is using to celebrate Christmas he now has off and doesn't need to ask for time off and use his vacation or holiday time! Yeah!

The bummer is that soon he'll be back to the Rover shift. At least they are just 8 hr days, not the 12 that he has been doing over the past month.

Pets

Last week on Tuesday I a saw a cat walking along our driveway. I didn't think too much of it because we see stray cats all the time. I did stick my head out the window and call to it, but it had little effect on it. That night we had a bible study and apparently he was sitting at the door because one of our friends let it in. She bent down to pet it and felt every bone in it's spine and she said to herself, "This can't be one of the Blidberg's cat, they would never do this to a pet." That was, of course, after she had let it in on our porch. Mom shooed it back outside and Kat got it some food to munch on. During bible study we came to the conclusion that we ought to help out this kitty. Sadly, when we went out to let it back in it had gone for the night.

Two days later on Thursday Kat saw it in the yard and opened the door to give it a friendly call, but it thought she meant ill for it and it ran away. We thought that was going to be the end of the kitty. However, that evening as one of the daycare grandparents were leaving I heard, "Hello, I didn't know that they had a kitty all one color." Which we didn't. As I am standing in the kitchen in waltz's this gray long haired cat. He walks up to me as if to say: "Move lady, I need to get to the food."

Jason and I capture it, which was "hard", since it wanted to be picked up and immediately started to purr the moment you talked to it. We put it in the dog's kennel for the night (in case it had some evil disease) and in the morning I brought it to the shelter. The shelter has this program where for $65 you can have a stray spayed/neutered plus have shots and vaccines. Luckily we only had to pay $35 because he was already "altered". He got a clean bill of health and has now joined our happy family. So, Meet Titus! He is super friendly. When he isn't eating or sleeping he is curled up on our chests watching TV with us!

TTC

No news on the pregnancy front. Still trying, still charting, still hoping that soon I'll be "with child".

Gastric

I had another flare up of my gastritis (sp?). I called my doctor and confessed that I had not done the meds that I had been given correctly from the first time. She thought that one of the meds I have been taking so I have stopped that and started pepcid. We are giving my tummy 2 weeks and then "we'll see" whatever that means. Tuesday will be 2 weeks. Also, because I have not had a period in nearly 60 days (which is not abnormal when coming off of "the pill") she is going to give me Provera to jump start my period. Maybe that will jump start the baby creating too?

More Pets

I don't have kids, I have pets and here is a couple more pictures of them.

This is Cali, she has just come home from apple picking! :)

And this is Izzy participating in her daily routine of playing with her ball. Sometimes Cali and Vinnie join her in her daily calenstetics of running from one end of the apartment to the other tossing and rolling on her ball.

This is Vinnie, curled up on the couch, doing what he does best....sleeping.

Moody

I've been feeling moody lately. Just a little up and down all with in the same moment.

I'm on day 38 of my cycle with no period in sight and I think that has something to do with it.

Ugh, What a Day

This blog contains the words: Poop & vomit. If such things are an offense to you, don't read.
*don't say I didn't warn you*

Izzy the dog has been sick. It started out with stinky gas, like really bad gas and I assumed (how silly of me) that that was where it would end. Then one night she farted while pooping and I heard it ooze to the ground. In the meantime Vinnie the dog has been hacking up mucus and grass (yes I know TMI you can skip this blog entry if you need to, I will understand). I thought (also wrongly) that it was nothing and would pass. *sigh* Last night as I was putting Vinnie to bed in his crate (a cat carrying thing) he wouldn't go in, he sort of sniffed and backed out. I got out the flashlight to take a peek and lo and behold he had vomited the night before in his bed. It was too late for me to clean it up so I threw the soiled stuff in the bathroom to clean in the morning.

Morning arrived. I got up to do my normal routine and clean up the vomit bedding so I could wash it. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, it didn't even smell all that bad. I went about my day until around 1pm when I realized I needed my knitting for while the kids slept. I came over to my apartment and was greeted by the worse poop smell on the planet.

Izzy walked up to me low to the ground, apologizing for her mistake. She had diarrhea on my floor. Not in the kitchen where it would be easy to clean. Oh, no, on my RUG! Have you ever tried to clean poop off a rug? How about liquid poop?

I almost threw up. Then, when I was at my mom's getting supplies I almost threw up over there and I couldn't even smell or see it! I told her, "I don't know what I will do when my kids are sick, I just can't handle the mess."

Back at my apartment I practiced the ancient art of breathing through my mouth in order to avoid a foul smell. I found that if I did not look directly at the mess, sort of saw it out of the corner of my eye, the gagging was a lot less.

I did the best I could with what I had, then ran to Wal-Mart to get the most expensive rug cleaner I could find. I also bought some strong candles to help, because even though the poop is gone, the stench remains.

Happy Sad Still

Jason's Aunt Judy isn't doing good. His mom suspects that Aunt Judy didn't tell us the full scope of her cancer and it is worse than his aunt is letting on. She was admitted into the hospital on Thursday because her white blood cell count was dangerously low, like she had 5-10% of the count that she is supposed to have. She's going home on Tuesday.

In the back of J and my minds is a happy sad thought that when Aunt Judy goes, we might be able to have a larger place at a small price. I feel so evil thinking this way. Not that I want her to die, I just feel so cramped in this tiny place.

I was watching "Top 10 Kitchens" on HGTV and there are people out there with kitchens BIGGER than my apartment (including my kitchen) that is just crazy.

Time Passes

I haven't jotted anything down in a while so I thought I might.

I "peed on a stick" recently. I'm at day 34 with no period in sight so on day 30 I did a pregnancy test and it was negative. I'm wondering how long, if at all, my period will take to kick start. I've been told it could take three months. *sigh* I'm going to be buying some OPK's soon to help me figure out if/when I ovulate.

Jason has been working nights and it has really put me in a funk. On Friday night I stayed up till 4am because sleep didn't seem appealing to me. The bed looked foreign and uncomfortable. He only has two nights left and I'm looking forward to going to bed with him on Tuesday night.

New Baby Count

Now we are at 7 Babies due between March & April!

Ovulating?

I might have ovulated. My temp spiked a whole degree! It didn't stay up like it is supposed to so we'll see.

Flea on Lee

Jason came with me to Boston (to work one of the last two times that I have to go down to pay off the car!!). It was so much fun having him there with me. We took the kids to the Museum of Science, we saw only the barest of fractions of the museum. The kids were cranky for several reasons: 1. They get up a 6am in the morning 2. I got "turned around" on the way there and it took close to an hour to get there instead of 1/2 an hour max (G fell asleep, lucky bum) 3. We got there late so the other two were tired and hungry 4. They were hungry 5. They were tired. We did have a good time. Jason says we can take our kids there too so the experience wasn't too bad for him. I asked him that after working the week-end with me if he felt more ready for parenthood. He answered with (and I'm paraphrasing): "Darling, I have never been nor will I ever be ready to be a parent, but I still want to be one." So I would say that he weathered the storm well. I don't have to go down again until the first part of December and then I will be done. I think that in the spring (as long as I'm not super preggo) I will go down again if she needs me. The money is good and easy to make.

As to the Flea on Lee. We saw signs in Boston that said "Flea on Lee". We didn't go but apparently it had already been here. I found a flea on Vinnie today, yuck. So that meant Front Line for everyone. $123 I think we're good! Sometimes it does not pay to have so many animals and to not buy stuff on-line. I have learned my lesson! I will be buying it on-line where it is a FRACTION of the price!

Good Feelings

I vacuumed, put away laundry, and did some dishes. I am feeling accomplished!

There is just nothing like not feeling like a slob.

No More Nightmares Please

Well, I'm headed off to bed. I hope tonight for a change I will have no nightmares and I will sleep like a coma patient, or maybe like a drunk man, or like someone who took an elephant tranquilizer, just as long as it is quiet happy sleeping!

Happy Sad

Jason just informed me this week that we may have an opportunity to buy a house in about a year (maybe less maybe more).

His great aunt is dying of cancer and she has not been given a good prognosis. She could have anywhere from 6months to a year. She does not have a formal will (I don't think) but she has told her power of attorney (Jason's Mom) that she wants Jason's Mom and Aunt to have the house to split the profit. However, they would sell it to us at what she owes on it.

It's a trailer with two additions, and from what I've been told a high end trailer (it has a good sized bathroom, tiled kitchen floors, and a fireplace in the living area) and one of the additions is a garage (perhaps two bays?).

Hopefully great aunt Judy has several years left in her and Jason and I will have to buy a house some place else. But if not this is going to be a good move for us. Not a final move to be certain, but a move up from 500 square feet!

Just For Fun

I was feeling a little bored and my sister-in-law had this on her facebook so I thought I'd fill it out. (there is 67 of them!)

1. 
   Have you ever gone out with a football player? ....no, unless you count soccer
2. Last person to make you smile? ....these kids in Uganda from a slideshow presentation at church
3. If you're sleeping and someone calls you what do you say? ....'ello? (in a really sleepy voice)
4. Ever receive a really long apology? ....I don't remember, but it is possible.
5. Who were you with at 12:00 last night? ....my hubby!
6. Feel like talking to someone that you haven't in a while? ....yes, my friend in Missori
7. Whats a food that you and your number one both love? .....I don't know. We like a lot of the same things so it's hard to narrow it down.
8. Expecting something to change in the next month? ....I am hoping!
9. Ready for winter to come? ....no, I'm never ready.
10. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? .....my shirt
11. Were you an honor roll student in school? yes
12. Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex?....my husband
13. How do you make your money? ....blood, sweat, and tears like everyone else (I work at a daycare)
14. What do you have planned for tonight?....eating, hanging with the hubby
15. If you could have anything right now what would it be? ....a baby in my tummy
16. Do you think you are an argumentative person? ....depends, is the Pope still catholic?
17. How' s your heart lately? ....ready,
18. Are you a forgiving person? ....forgive, yes. forget, no. I have a tendancy to hold grudges
19. How ticklish are you? .....in the right spot, very. I can decide to not be ticklish
20. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? warm, but only because I hate the cold
21. Are you a mean person? ....used to be
22. How is your hair? ....i hate it, I need to do something with it
23. Do you care if people hate you for no reason? ....yes
24. Who was the last person you were mad at? .....myself, I am my own worse enemy
25. Where is your cell phone? ....in my pocket
26. Do you miss anyone right now? ....always
27. Do you like to call or text? ....depends on who it is with
28. Where is your biological father at?.....working at Lowes
29. Is there a guy or girl that knows almost every thing or most everything about you? ....Jason knows everything about me, the close second would be my best girl Amy
30. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? ....of course
31. Have you told anybody you loved them today? ....yes
32. You have a tan line anywhere? ....(what kind of quesiton is this?) maybe
33. Are you better at math or art? ....in school when I went, math
34. Science or History? ....Science
35. Whats your favorite brand of gum? ....5 there is no other brand of gun
36. How old is the cell phone you have right now? ....less than a year
37. Do you know anyone named Tyler? ....yes
38. Can you do a hand stand? ....no
39. How many funerals have you been to in your lifetime? ....upwards of 7
40. Have you ever had a pet fish ? ....yes, it died. It froze to death
41. Whats on your wish list for your birthday? ....jewlery box, boxers (so I will stop wearing my hubby's to bed, they are wicked comfy!)
42. Does the future make you more nervous or excited? ....excited
43. Do you like surprises ? ....yes!
44. Do you believe that every thing happens for a reason? ....yes
45. How many kids do you want to have?....4. Hubby wants 3, so we are going to have 3 and then talk about the 4th!
46. What are your plans for tomorrow? ....work
47. Do you want someone/something you cant have? ....don't think so
48. Are you single? ....no, happily married since may 31, 2008
49. Ever kissed someone who smokes? .....yes, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be
50. Have you ever tried your hardest, but got disappointed in the end? ....all the time!
51. Is it hard to get over someone? .....always
52. Have you ever crawled through a window? ....yes. the door was locked!
53. Do you have any text messages that you don't want other people to read? ....no
54. Do you have a good sense of humor?s ....I think so
55. Been grounded a lot when you were a teen? ....grounded from what? I lived on a mountain? They might have takne the van from me, but not grounded.
56. Ever been to a party cops busted? ....yes
57. Who really does the most cheating guys or girls? ....don't know, I bet it's pretty even
58. Who was your last text from? ....probably Jenna
59. When was the last time you went to the hospital and why? ....Sept 2008 for some serious pain in my tummy
60. Who were you last in a car with? .....My mom
61. Do you have reason to smile right now? ....at this second, no, because I'm filling this foolish thing out!
62. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a long conversation with? ....hubby last night
63. What did ya'll talk about? ....baby names and other stuff
64. When was the last time you had Starbucks? ....forever it revs me up too much!
65. Gotten in a car with people you just met? ...not since my "partying" days
66. What is harder,for you to tell someone you're in love with them or that you dont? ....I nver people that I don't like them and no one has liked me that I have not liked in return.
67. Do you like who you are, as a person? ....yes
    

The Count is 6

3 Babies due in March

3 Babies due in April

There is a bit of a baby boom!

Am I Ready

I know that I have mused on this before, but today as I was getting my breakfast ready in my very messy kitchen a thought struck me: Am I really ready for this? Am I sure that I want to go through with this? I answered myself quickly with a yes. My life and priorities would change after a baby, and maybe my kitchen might not get as messy or maybe it would be worse....in any case I think I'm ready. But who's really ready anyway?

Last night Jason says through laughter, "We are trying to have a baby!" I think the thought of being a father terrifies him at times. He's not alone in the boat, being a mom scares me too, but in a good way.

I'm excited. I don't think we'll get pregnant this month, but I think it will be soon. By Christmas with any luck.

Speaking of Christmas. I am so ready for it this year. I have been buying presents since July. My hope is that when Christmas does get here it won't be such a financial strain since most of the shopping is done. All I have left is two swaps (times two people) and two people. This just might be a less financially stressful Holiday!!

And Again

This time the dream was this:

I had a baby and her name was Lilly. But the baby looked just like Katrina (when she was a baby) and not like either of the Lilly's I know.

Also we were in my childhood home in the basement and there was something about trying to put one of my former daycare kiddo's down for a nap on top of a dresser.

Why are the babies girls? I want a baby boy first!

Good News!
My Hubby is off nights at work and tomorrow night (tuesday) we get to sleep in the same bed at the same time! I'm so psyched!!

Dreaming Still

My dreams enjoy torturing me.

Last night I dreamt (twice) that I had taken a home pregnancy test and it was positive. I don't remember the first dream, but the second one all I can remember is my parents reaction. They both gave me gigantic hugs and the hugs felt so good! I almost cried when I woke up and realized that those hugs had never happened. I wasn't upset that I woke up and wasn't pregnant, but that I had really felt those hugs. Weird.

Jason is working nights. I really hate it when he works nights. I feel so lonely with out him to talk to. That and the bed is too big.

I took my first at home pregnancy test (hence the dreams) and it was negative. I had a really weird period and I thought I might be pregnant. Probably though it was weird because of going to the hospital the stress and all that.

This month marks the first month of Jason and I "officially" trying to get pregnant. I really, really, really, really hope that I don't have to use drugs to get preggo and it will just happen!

All Done

BTW.

No more tummy problems. What ever it was is done! Praise God!

Argh

I know I'm not pregnant. I want to be, but I'm not.

I'm taking a test tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted.

Chinese Men?

I dreamt lastnight that I saw a Chinese man pregnant.

Frustrated

My body is playing tricks on me. I am supposed to be having my period. I did have a smudge on Tues and Weds and now nothing. Argh. Not even a spot. Now, as of Sunday I wasn't prego, they did a test and didn't say I was so I'm not. But it really messes with my head!

Another Baby

Just found out on Sunday that one of my friends is due in March! Ugh!

I really, really, really hope that Jason and I can announce that we are pregnant on Christmas. When we have a baby it will have a living great great grandmother, great grandmother, and grandmother all on the same side! How cool would that be? I know that we aren't going to get pregnant fast, but I still have a little bit of pessemistic hope.

We saw a set of infant twins at a restraunt on Monday. I smiled at Jason and he said, "No, no twins." Like either of us have a choice. Oh how I love him!

Dreaming Again

I really hope that my dreams are prophetic.

Last night I dreamt that Jason and I had a baby girl. She was all pink and scrunchy with black hair (must have been newborn). For some strange reason we were taking her to the movies. If I remember correctly I think Jason changed a diaper.

Delia Called the Dr and the Dr Said

I called the doc to see how on earth I got this gastric stuff and she said it was probably the fair food on Saturday. She also said I only have to take the malox concoction when I'm in pain and to take note of the foods that hurt. She also said that after two weeks/ten days to stop the pepcid and see how I am and if I'm fine then Yay! and if not then we'll go from there and find out what's up.

I am praying that it was just the fair food and that I'm fine.

Annoyed

I hate all my meds, but for the next 10 days I need them. Argh. This is my crazy med schedual.

• 6am Levox (thyroid)
• 715 Sucral (new med)
• 815 Eat
• 845 Pepcid (new med)
• 945 Lidocained (new med)
• 1030 Sucral
• 1130 Eat
• 1230 Metformin & vitamins (which are supposed to be eaten with food, but i can't because I have to wait 2 hrs after taking the Sucral so that they can be absorbed into my stomach, because the Sucral doesn't let much pass it as it coats the lining of my tummy!)
• 130pm Lidocaine (this really ought to be taken directly after a meal as it is a numbing agent-liquid form-and anti-acid, but again I can't because I have other pills I need to take!
• 530 Sucral
• 630 Eat
• 730 Metformin
• 800 Pepcid (which is too early but I don't want to wait too long before I take my pain killer....)
• 900 Lidocaine
• Bedtime cough meds (Yes I have a prescription for that too)

However, all my annoyances aside I am happy that there are meds out there to help. Ugh.

So this is what WebMD has to say about Gastritis, which is one of the options of what I have. I am calling my doctor today to find out how this happened...

• Digestive Diseases: Gastritis
  Gastritis is an inflammation, irritation or erosion of the lining of the stomach. It can occur suddenly (acute) or gradually (chronic).
  What Causes Gastritis?
  Gastritis can be caused by irritation due to excessive alcohol use, chronic vomiting, stress or the use of certain medications such as aspirin or other anti-inflammatory drugs. It may also be caused by any of the following:
  Helicobacter pylori (H. pylori): A bacteria that lives in the mucous lining of the stomach. Without treatment the infection can lead to ulcers, and in some people, stomach cancer.
  Pernicious anemia: A form of anemia that occurs when the stomach lacks a naturally occurring substance needed to properly absorb and digest vitamin B12.
  Bile reflux: A backflow of bile into the stomach from the bile tract (that connects to the liver and gallbladder).
  Infections caused by bacteria and viruses
  If gastritis is left untreated, it can lead to a severe loss in blood, or in some cases increase the risk of developing stomach cancer.

And here is what they say about Peptic Ulcers which is the other options.

• Peptic Ulcer Disease - Topic Overview
  
  
  What is a peptic ulcer?
  A peptic ulcer is a sore in the inner lining of the stomach or upper small intestine (duodenum). Ulcers develop when the intestine or stomach's protective layer is broken down. When this happens, digestive juices can damage the intestine or stomach tissue. These strong juices, which contain hydrochloric acid and an enzyme called pepsin, also can injure the esophagus. The esophagus is the tube that leads from your throat to your stomach.
  Peptic ulcers are no longer a condition that most people have to live with their entire lives. Treatment cures most ulcers, and symptoms go away quickly.
  Peptic ulcers that form in the stomach are called gastric ulcers. Those that form in the upper small intestine are called duodenal (say "doo-uh-DEE-nul" or "doo-AW-duh-nul") ulcers.

Stove

Here is our new Beautiful machine of warmth! My Dad put our pellet stove in on Friday when I told him that our apartment had gotten down to 60! Eek! The first night we used it we had to shut it off. The apartment was 81! Yikes! I am so excited to be warm all winter!

Jason in a Box

For my second birthday my Dad made me a cedar toy box.

Yesterday I told Jason how I used to get inside it and hide. He looked at it and said to me: "I bet you could still fit inside." I said, "Yep, probably." He decided to try.
Almost in!
But not quite. It was a little tight!

Here is Something Fun To Do

Last night as church was wrapping up (we were busy doing the Baptist Blab) I began to get a pain at the top of my stomach. I didn't think too much of it since I had just finished drinking a liter of water in like an hour I figured I just overfilled my tummy a bit.

I got home to my hubby and my tummy was not any better. It hurt to have it touched. I was belching a bit, but even that did little to relieve the pressure. Laying down hurt the most, sitting was bearable, and standing felt all right, but no matter what I did nothing eased the pain. I went online and rechecked all the side effects to my meds and came up blank so I figured it was just something I needed to ride out. At about quarter to ten the pain disappeared for about two minutes and I laid down with my hubby to watch TV.

No sooner had I relaxed then the pain came back two fold and this time on both sides of my stomach and my stomach (but lower). I couldn't stand the pain, I was almost in tears. It was the most pain I had ever experienced in my life. I had Jason call poison control because I had taken one of my many meds only 3hrs apart. However, poison control said my pain was unrelated to the drugs. That was when I got scared. Jason quickly changed out of his PJ's and said: "Get your shoes on."

We now know that we can make it to the hospital in less than 5mins! Which is good to know for when we get pregnant. While were filling out paper work at the hospital the pain dissipated and I was fine. We contemplated leaving, but thought it best to wait and find out what had happened.

The Dr. told us that it was probably nothing serious, but he wanted to do some tests just in case. After blood work and x-rays he announced gastricitist or possibly an ulcer. Fun.

But here is the thing that kills me. He gave me 3 more prescriptions! Like I needed the hassle. And two of them I can't take at the same time as my Metformin. Thankfully it's only for a week. If any symptoms return I'm to call my doctor.

Tonight I will be looking up the two conditions online, because it doesn't make much sense to me to have had the pain all of a sudden with out any previous symptoms! Ugh!

Dreams

Last night I had the most fantastic dream.
I dreamt that I had a baby and her name was Mia. I even nursed her (granted she was like 3months at the time, why I waited I don't know). She felt so real in my arms, but dreams are like that I guess.
I woke up a little sad that it wasn't true.

I tell ya, if it's true about pregnancy and dreams then I am in for a ride!

Our Babies

Here is two of our five "babies". The kitten is named Cali and the pomeranian is Vinne. We cut him short in the summer so that he doens't over heat, and the fur is easier to maintain. I plan on taking some pictures of our other three babies sometime soon. I want to get one of Izzy jumping into the pond. She is very funny. The picture of Cali and Vinnie was taken this week-end. Jason found them both locked in the bathroom, which is odd since Vinnie is not allowed in the bathroom. For some reason Cali perfers to lay on the damp bathmat than anywhere else in the bathroom. Animals can be so wierd sometimes! I just went looking through my pictures and I found one of Izzy. She's laying down so you can't really see her true length. I really don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to get a black lab! Cali is so funny with the dogs. She loves to play with Izzy's tail and she pounces on Vinnie when she gets bored of chasing fluff and shadows across the kitchen floor. Vinnie and Izzy also like to play tug and chase, in the house. It is a minor miracle that they don't destory everything in our apartment!

Temp Taking

I'm using http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ to track my temperature and to tell me when to try to get pregnant (I'm still on the pill I just wanted to get in the habit now). I have my doubts. I know that it is probably scientifically proven, but my Mom said when she was trying her temp never spiked. ... I don't know, maybe she has issues too.

I have one more row of pills before "my week to bleed" and then no more pills. I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, that my fertility problems won't be a problem and the pills I have been on have helped! If not then on to Plan B!

Stupid Pills

I hate. HATE the birthcontrol pills I am on. My body thinks it's time for my menstration, but it's not. I have a week and a day of pill left that have the medicine in it!!! Stupid pills! I will be so happy to be off them!

A "Busy" July

I just found out that someone from my church is expecting a baby.

They are due in April.

There was a lot of people getting their "groove" on in July. I now know 3 babies due in April!

Only Rocks Sleep Better

Jason is working nights for part of this week (6pm-6am) and he sleeps like the dead. Almost nothing can wake him up when he is out like that.

So I said to Mom: "When Jason works nights he cannot have a toddler by himself during the day while he is sleeping."
Mom: "Why."
"I'm not sure he'd wake up if the baby needed him."
"Oh."
"Yeah, the dog knocked the trash can over and I don't think he even stirred."

I think though that the sound of a baby crying would wake him, but not the sound of a toddler sneaking out of their bed to get into trouble. Not that I'd leave the kid with him anyway when he needed sleep. It's kind of funny to think about.

I can see it in my minds eye...

I walk in after being gone (I don't know what I was doing, but I was gone). The kid is standing say on the counter reaching for cookies. A huge stack of books/a chair/a stool is up against the counter that the kid has climbed. Me, "honey, why is the kid in the cookie jar." Jason groggy from sleep, "We have cookies?"

I love my husband, I can't wait to see him as a Dad!

Cry Baby

I slept wrong Friday night (How fair is that to sleep wrong, I'm asleep I can't help myself, and here I am "sleeping wrong") and now I have this dull ache in my right shoulder area. However, yesterday the pain was bad enough for me to catch my breath everytime I moved it. Then last night as I was settling down into bed (on my back which is not the "wrong" way to sleep) I cried because I could not get comfortable no matter what I did. I just don't handle pain well.

I made an appointment with the massage therapist to see if she could give me any relief, but today it is much better, no sharp, shooting, sudden stabs of pain that travel all the way down my arm.

Whenever I have pain like this it always makes me wonder, how will I handle childbirth pain? I am just thankful for modern medicine and a loving husband who I can beat up since it will be his fault I'm in pain. :)

Questions Answered

I talked to the hubby and can I just say that he is amazing. I am so happy that God gave him to me and that by some strange miracle we found each other and ended up being so "right"? God is good that is all I can say.

I talked to the hubby and lo and behold he is just as frightened as I am about this whole baby thing! :) For some reason knowing he is scared makes me less scared. He tells me that I'll make a good mother and that, "No, I'll never be ready to give up some of my freedoms, but I still want to go through with this and have a baby." He tells me that he'll adjust.

I just hope that if we do get pregnant as soon as I'm hoping (let there be a miracle!) and we can't afford a house, that the room upstairs gets built. I'd like to have one place dog hair free and that will be our upstairs! ....I hope.

Questions

Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder:

• Am I ready for parenthood?
• Am I ready for 2 am feedings?
• Am I ready to give up some of my freedoms & rights? (such as: showering quietly, sleeping in, being alone & quiet in my home)
• Am I ready to responsible 24/7 for someone?
• Is my marriage ready for this?
• Are our finances ready for a baby?
• Do I want a kid for the right reasons?

And then I remember that I have a good man by my side and a loving and supportive family near-by and I realize that, yes, things are going to be different and hard. But in some ways things will be way more fun.

Off Some Meds

I called the doctor yesterday and this is what she said, "We don't know for sure that you are infertile, maybe the metformin did the trick. Stop the spironolactone this month and next month stop the birth control and we'll see what happens."

So in October Jason and I will officially be trying for a baby!

:)

Breastfeeding

Just to add to my worry and fears I found out that with my hypothyroid I may have issues breastfeeding. Such as not having enough milk because my body has a too slow metabalism. I did read though that this woman was able to pump some out and feed to her baby in addition to formula, so that's something good.

Our Story Begins

Jason and I were married May 31, 2008. I have always wanted children and even before we married we discussed children: when to have them, how many, what to call them, and how to raise them. Logic told me that we ought to wait a year to even think about kids (so we could get used to being hubby & wife) but at 28 (almost 29) my clock is ticking.

Recently we decided to quicken the pace and start trying sooner. Due to my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrom) I don't ovulate. No egg no baby. I went to my doctor and she started me on a drug that my doc said should jump start the egg dropping process, but I have to be on it for 6 months! The other day I was feeling a bit depressed about having to wait and then maybe not even having a baby so I went on line to see what I could find.

What I found gave me hope. I found a slew of other women with PCOS that have gotten pregnant, with out this fourth drug that I'm taking (yes I'm on four pills right now!) so tomorrow (sept 2) I'm going to give my doc a call and see if I can stop taking this 6 month pill and go straight to the baby making!

For the first time since I was diagnosed with PCOS (at age 14) I have hope of concieving. I've been pretty hopeless lately. I cry alot. Especially when my friends or family call me with news that so-and-so is pregnant. I even find it hard to hold a newborn, because in the back of my mind I have had this thought that I'll never have one of my own. But, like I said I have hope.